I Love Horror – A horror blog devoted to the critical, analytical, and cynical assessment of the horror industry and horror films.

Director: Joey Stewart
Year: 2010
Country: USA

High school is a bitch. You know this, I know this, Jason Kabolati knows this. Judging by The Final, one of the eight films that makes up 2010’s After Dark Horrorfest line-up, you would think that his four years spent at high were akin to spending four years trapped in Satan’s frozen maw. This is the feeling you get while watching The Final, written by Kabolati and vomited onto the screen by Joey Stewart.

The Final is little more than your basic high school revenge story, with the added bonus of being covered in a haze of incomprehensibility and gaping holes in logic. A group of social outcasts, led by their defacto leader Dane, are sick and tired of being bullied day in and day out. A couple of bullies that are no doubt gay for each other enjoy picking on Ravi, a meek dark-skinned boy; a trio of vapid twats pick on Emily, a shy girl who prefers to hide her face behind her hair than dress like a slut; and Dane and Jack, another outcast, sit in the forest and talk about being bullied to the dulcet tunes of the banjo. The rest of the outcasts, of which there are at least four, are merely incidental. Instead of doing the sensible thing, like going to the principal or another authority figure, they plan a costume party and invite their tormentors for an evening of torture and mayhem. Failing to question why a small group of popular kids that all know each other (the back stories of which we never hear) are all invited to a costume party in the middle of nowhere chauffeured by masked individuals whose identities they never question, they all show up, with the added bonus of a black fellow the outcasts actually like, ensuring some whackiness will ensue. It does not.

The Final is a poorly constructed diatribe against school bullying made all the less effective by characters that a tread a fine line between overly ‘high school movie’ formulaic and utterly one-dimensional. The bullies who are so mercilessly tortured are so incredibly self-aware of their status as massive assholes that it borders on satirical. The guys are basic douchebag jocks, the girls plucked straight from the movie Clueless. Their victims, the so-called outcasts, are only slightly better written, offering an odd blends of hopelessly geeky looking to relatively normal. This doesn’t matter to the bullies, as they don’t discriminate, having chosen their victims seemingly at random years ago when they were younger. They are the uncool, the poor, hapless individuals who failed to excel at sports or grow into the barbie doll aesthetic. In this we have the only accurate representation of school bullying, one that disappears amidst a sea of cliches and poor dialogue that makes you wonder if the writer has ever ventured outside the bubble of high school comedies.

It’s these worn out cliches and utterly dreadful dialogue that made the film an utter chore to get through. The ridiculous notion of fate is bandied about, serving as nothing more than a half-assed attempt at giving the film some sort of depth when all it does is make the two-dimensional characters and their ridiculous revenge agenda all the more laughable. In between tired monologues of how the bullies brought everything upon themselves and the same ol’ garbage about how the outcasts’ masks are a reflection of what the bullies turned them into (including two Nazis, a clown, a girl with a blank face mask, and the leader, sporting a gas mask and a voice masker), we’re given the film’s one saving grace, and that’s a banjo, played by one of the outcasts while the rest torture the bullies.

The Final is a poor entry in the After Dark canon, a muddled mess of a film attempting to be far more than a loose collection of mildly clever torture scenes. The attempt at giving the horribly real problem of school bullying a deeper meaning beyond “kids are inherently dicks” was remarkably lazy, using buzzwords such as fate and faith to obscure an otherwise unoriginal and incomprehensibly illogical script. If there is any point to be made in The Final, it was completely lost.

For added lulz, check out Count Vardulon’s utterly hilarious review of the film here.

I have culled together some of the finest minds in horror blogging to have a metaphorical round table discussion on a variety of topics that tend to flutter around the world of contemporary horror. Somehow I managed to get involved and spit out something that resembles words. This is why I stick to that whole type-y thing.

This is basically a test run, and we plan on doing more in the future. If you have any discussion questions you’d like to hear us talk about, feel free to leave a comment or shoot me an e-mail.

Participants: I Love Horror, And Now the Screaming Starts, Zombots and Castle Vardulon
Topics: A whole ton of crap, including the current state of horror films and sexism as the new racism in horror. I think there’s something regarding remakes in there as well.

 

Director: Shane Van Dyke
Year: 2009
Country: USA

The only Asylum production I’ve taken the time to watch was Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, and I only reviewed it because it was so hilariously bad I knew I could have some serious fun with it. But since one of my favorite films is Paranormal Activity, I felt I owed it to myself to review the “mockbuster” PA rip-off, Paranormal Entity.

I didn’t hate it.

The plot is pretty much the same as Paranormal Activity, but with a few added twists and turns. In the Finley home, weird things have been happening. Having recently lost her husband, mother Ellen has been writing letters to him, and after receiving a response, they begin to suspect the “hauntings” that are occurring are his doing. Brother Thomas thus begins filming the events, which is where the film starts. These suspicions are cast aside, however, when daughter Samantha begins to be targeted. What could it be?! My guess is a demon. Déjà vu and a couple brief shots of boobs ensue.

I don’t want to call Paranormal Entity a good film. Its very nature as an Asylum production forbids it that distinction as does my integrity as a film critic, nay, a human being. It is, however, when viewed within the hermetically-sealed bubble Asylum has created with their direct-to-DVD ripoffs, a distinctly watchable and dare I say somewhat creepy little number that I didn’t absolutely hate or laugh at. Moreover, I’m genuinely impressed that they actually attempted to think outside the box, utilizing not one but three camera to show the haunting of the Finley family, as well as constructing their own basic back story involving the deceased father and a named incubus named Maron. As an added bonus, they make several references to sleep paralysis, namely something pressing on the chest of daughter Samantha and the aforementioned incubus. It figures the one time I get to see a direct reference to sleep paralysis in a horror movie and it’s a fucking Asylum film.

Asylum made a number of attempts to think outside the box, sometimes succeeding, usually failing, but in the end it’s still an Asylum film. As a result, a number of key scenes from PA were rehashed, either directly or in spirit. These include “Katie goes outside in a trance;” “Ouija board writes something on its own;’ “Parapsychologist tells them the evil entity is after Katie;” “Micah lays a trap to catch entity in the act;” “Micah goes to help Katie off screen then dies.” Unfortunately, none of the comparable scenes managed to capture the fear elicited by Oren Peli, though I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little freaked out to go to sleep that night.

I think the one thing that makes Paranormal Entity work as a stand-alone film and not the bastard child of Paranormal Activity is its cinema verite approach. Even when serving as nothing more than a rehash of another film, the basic elements are there to scare you. TVs turn on, things make noises, etc, all punctuated by the exact same sound queue used in PA. Beyond this, the filmmakers attempt to make a few changes to their story, including three people instead of two, switching scenes around, and actually showing the aftermath of them trying to leave the fucking house instead of just talking about it. In short, if you like Paranormal Activity and it genuinely frightened you, there is no reason Paranormal Entity shouldn’t as well.

Bonus: In an interview with Obscure Horror, Erin Marie Hogan, who played Samantha, had this to say regarding reviews and skewed perceptions: “I want people to know that Paranormal Entity isn’t meant to be Gone with the Wind”….the idea obviously came from movies like The Blair Witch Project, and in that respect, a lot of people put the movie down without even watching it first.”

Really? Is that where the idea came from? It was at this moment Asylum became sentient. We are all screwed.

I’ve been bad. Weeks without updates, broken promises to my three readers, and a Hell of a lot of excuses on my end. Well no more.

Coming soon we have…

- Ash Across America. Shit, the WORLD. The fucker went to Australia. Fucking Australia! Despite their crazy porn laws and the fact that it’s a haven for so many animals that want to fuck your shit up, they were fairly receptive to our bobble-headed friend making a special appearance. The name of the piece will remain Ash Across America, because the AAA them works, and it has yet to go anywhere outside of the states beside Australia.

- The first ever “I Love Horror Roundtable Discussion,” wherein myself, The Dive Mistress, CrwM and Count Vardulon discuss a variety of topics that plague the horror industry. Expect this within a day or two, provided the black hole of laziness doesn’t suck me in again.

- More reviews! I got some screeners to go through, as well as about a million back reviews to get through, so keep your eyes peeled.

- Original articles and shit! All up in your face.

-Fucking magnets, how do they work?

- Requests? Comments? Criticism? bmchargue@gmail.com is where I can be reached.

Every weekend, when the stars align, the Denver Film Center plays host to the Watching Hour. This block of film programming, first brought to my attention during the Denver Film Festival, is a showcase of what programmer Keith Garcia calls “the cooler films” that you might not see elsewhere on the big screen. While the genre of the films chosen tend to fit in with the theme of horror, cult or exploitation, we’re often given the opportunity to see some classic hits on the big screen, such as Adventures in Babysitting, Foxy Brown, and Teen Witch. Of course, this past weekend was free of such nonsense and the Mile High City was given the opportunity to watch the utterly outlandish and delightfully surreal Japanese horror comedy Hausu.

Seeing as how it was the first time I was seeing the film (I missed it when it played in December), I was convinced it couldn’t possibly live up to the hype surrounding it. Apparently others were curious as well, as more people showed up for this screening than any other Watching Hour screening I have attended, which typically has no more than 15-20 people in attendance. Speaking with Keith beforehand revealed that the previous night’s showing had approximately 140 attendees, which is absolutely mind-blowing. Never underestimate the power of surreal Japanese horror from the seventies.

Prior to the film were five old school Japanese trailers, with only one or two containing subtitles. As part of the promotion for the film (which was held in conjunction with Denver Film’s spotlight on Japanese cinema), Hausu t-shirts were being sold in the lobby. Down to one adult men’s medium, a contest was held to see which lucky fan would own a garish yet awesome t-shirt featuring a giant grinning cat. Much like the contest held during the screening of Bitch Slap, which required you to name five Russ Meyer films that aren’t Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, I was unable to name the films advertised beforehand. One was The Happiness of the Katakuris. And something involving a very prevalent and tattooed Japanese pair of breasts.

Once the film started, I settled in for what I hoped would be a live action Salvador Dali painting. I was not disappointed. Hausu is so fucking surreal laughter gives way to abject confusion at the absurdity that unfolds on the screen. Unfortunately, no one told the two rows behind us, who felt that 95% of the film was worthy of raucous laughter, punctuated by unnecessary clapping and ridiculous comments declaring the level of hilarity that was unfolding on the screen. I wouldn’t have minded had it been the entire theater,  but it was just these two rows. I can concede to some of the scenes, but for the love of Christ, a completely innocuous and normal song playing over a ten-second shot of one of the characters smiling and laughing is not. that. funny. I understand the concept of residual laughter. I once laughed for five minutes straight at a picture of Ronald McDonald being stalked by a vampire, but for the love of God, exercise some self-control for the sake of the audience seated in your general vicinity.

Then the film ended and I pigged out at Denny’s with some friends. Moral of the story: if someone behind you is laughing like an idiot, be sure to blog about it.

Director: Joel Anderson
Year: 2008
Country: Australia

After Dark’s “8 Films to Die For” program is has been up to this point in time a horrible misnomer. Save for Frontière(s), which was never released in theaters with the other films, and Zombies of Mass Destruction, which was pretty terrible but awfully funny, the films that consider themselves lucky enough to be included under the After Dark moniker are fairly awful or forgettable. I was thus surprised when I heard Lake Mungo, one of the films slated for the 2010 line-up, was actually really good. Several reviews have been positive, with a couple of horror bloggers declaring it an excellent film. Given its cinema verite approach, I was intrigued to see if it could live up to the hype. I was weary, given the tendency for hype to spoil many films for me (Grace, anyone?), but in the case of this Australian pseudo-doc, expectations were exceeded, with writer/director Joel Anderson delivering on Hell of an effective horror film.

Presented as a documentary, the film explores the disappearance and death of 16-year old Alice Palmer, who disappeared while swimming in a local dam with her family. Shortly after her body is recovered from the dam, a series of bizarre events typical of a haunting are experienced by the Palmer family. Noises, shadows, and the like, primarily centered in or around Alice’s bedroom, make the grieving process all the more difficult. Eventually, her brother, who possesses a keen interest in photography, reveals photographs that seem to contain the ghost of Alice. As time passes, the family consults a parapsychologist, learns of Alice’s secret double life, and discovers the importance of the dry Lake Mungo.

The primary focus of the film is not on the ghostly presence of Alice, but her family’s reactions to her disappearance, death and subsequent information concerning her life. The “haunting” aspect is downplayed, with Anderson preferring to allude to it instead of show it outright. The result is a slow burn, with the family’s shock of learning each new bit of information complementing the viewer’s. The film’s primary attempt at frightening the viewer is subtle, employing a brief shot of a photograph or video footage showing what appears to be a ghost or otherwise disturbing anomaly and zooming in to bring it to detail. This gives the viewer the opportunity to inspect it, much like the family would, and realize the definable features of what is presumed to be Alice. Video footage is presented in much the same way, save for a climactic scene at the end of the film that is ambiguous yet decidedly haunting.

The big “twist” comes about two-thirds of the way through the film, and serves as an attempt to explain Alice’s increasing distance from her mother as the months leading up to her disappearance progress. At first I felt it was incidental to the bigger picture, but recent reflections on its overall purpose has made me reconsider. Sparing you any chance of learning the twist before viewing the film, it comes as a major shock to the both the family and the viewer, which is yet another example of how Anderson manages to parlay the film’s realism onto the audience. The result is a greater understanding of the nature of Alice’s disappearance, which culminates in a trip to the titular lake and a terrifying discovery.

Lake Mungo is a terrifyingly real representation of the mechanics of love, loss and grief, all while convincingly including a healthy dose of the supernatural. Bolstered by a superb story, solid acting, and a haunting score, Lake Mungo can be seen as After Dark’s savior, the single film that proves a hitherto horrible film series can have at least one respectable film among the rejects.

Thanks to Shock for the photo.

Over at my other haunt Horror Squad we’ve slowly started rolling out a number of unique (and quasi-unique) features all four of you might get a kick out of.

Horror Squad Movie Club – Each Friday a member of the Squad picks a horror flick available online and gives a brief intro, explaining why they chose it and why they feel others should see it. Over the weekend your task, should you choose to accept it, is to watch the film. Simple, right? Come Monday, a more detailed post and discussion will follow, allowing everyone who watched a chance to jump in on the fun.

Chats! - Although in the natal stages, the two chats Horror Squad has held have been a great success. The first one was a discussion on slasher films, though that managed to degrade into arguments over whose beard is best (I technically won, despite what others might tell you). The second was associated with Luke Mullen’s Movie Club pick, the fantastic thriller The Signal, and included two of the film’s stars, the bearded wonder A. J. “Lewis Denton” Bowen, and Scott “Clark” Poythress giving us some unique insight into the making of the film.

I Would Have Saved/Killed – Taking a cue from the inimitable blogger Arbogast on Film, we’ve started doing a weekly series wherein a Squad member picks a character they wish would have kicked the bucket or been spared a horrific end. Our inaugural entry kicked off with Peter Hall discussing a major character in the recent hit Trick ‘r Treat, who meets a horrific end at the hand of some sexy werewolves.

What We’re Watching – Although not a new column, it’s going to be a more regular feature, highlighting what recent horror films Squad members have been viewing over the past week or so. The most recent entry, by Squad newcomer Jacob Hall (no relation to Associate Editor Peter Hall), includes Candyman, The Changeling, and The House Where Evil Dwells. I presume we’re looking for horror films, so I may need to rethink my Bring It On marathon come my turn to contribute.

Blog Spotlight – Given how much of a supporter I am for horror blogs that aren’t mired in adolescent feuds and piss poor writing, I’ll be holding a weekly spotlight of blogs that deserve some serious recognition. The first official spotlight started with And Now the Screaming Starts, which can be found here, and next week shall see John Morehead’s wonderful blog Theofantastique receiving the royal treatment. Have any recommendations? Shoot me an e-mail at bmchargue@gmail.com.

Keep checking back for sporadic updates, or just visit the damned site.

I was on Conversations in the Dark with Brian Solomon of The Vault of Horror. We talked about “overrated” horror films, I tried to sound smarter than I am, and I lamented my horrible voice. Specific films discussed include Drag Me to Hell and Grace, among others, and toward the end Brian and I actually agree on something, which is rare. So check it out, skip to the main site and check out the other episodes, and send me money.

While Twilight is clearly not horror, this is just too damned funny to not share. While most are content to bash its sparkly vampires, I’m a huge proponent of bitching about just how fucking terrible Stephenie Meyer’s writing is. Unfortunately, while I feel I can adequately convey my frustration via the written word, I am not too eloquent with the spoken word. Thankfully, there are cheeky British fellows who will do that for me.

This is Alex. As he goes through each chapter of the book, this 20-year old Brit adds a humorous mix of commentary and statements of utter shock over how this dreck could be published. it is, in short, fucking hysterical, due in no small part to his accent.

Because come on, British people are always funnier.