Last night (2/13) at 10 PM, MTV kicked off a seven week movie series, affectionately referred to as “Home is Where the Horror Is,” with the dreadful Paris Hilton vehicle House of Wax. Although kicking off with a terrible remake starring a chlamydia-infested socialite who got famous for being a chlamydia-infested socialite, four of the seven movies on the list are actually movies I would consider taking time out of my day to watch.

The schedule is as follows.

13-Feb   HOUSE OF WAX

20-Feb   THE AMITYVILLE HORROR

27-Feb   LAND OF THE DEAD

6-Mar   THE HILLS HAVE EYES

13-Mar  SLITHER

20-Mar  DEEP BLUE SEA

26-Mar  HOUSE OF THE DEVIL

Working under the presumption that the first two and fourth film are the remakes, the inclusion of Land of the Dead, Slither, Deep Blue Sea, and especially House of the Devil actually make me grin a shifty grin of amusement. I would have expected films like Prom Night, or Sorority Row, to appeal to the base demographic of the channel. Which is fine. They have a job to do and appealing to dyed-in-the-wool horror fans is probably not on their list of things to do. But they threw me for a loop, throwing in a mix of gory remakes, cheesy zombie flicks, comedies, pseudo-cult classics, and a new and incredibly well-received bonafide horror film.

Whether or not the films will be edited to appease the parents of MTV’s core demographic is anyone’s case, though one can easily be led to believe they won’t be, as this promo demonstrates. It features scenes from House of Wax, they’re graphic, and it opens with Paris Hilton gettin’ all stabbed and shit.

Someone at MTV has the right idea. Kudos. Tune in, especially if you haven’t seen House of the Devil. I wasn’t too fond of it, but no self-respecting horror fan should go without seeing it.

MTV, if you’re listening, here are some recommendations for your next horror installment, should you choose to do so. Whether or not you can acquire the rights to air any of these films is none of my concern. Just do it. For the fans. And for me. ‘Cause I asked politely. Kinda.

The Burrowers (review)
Session 9 (review)
[REC]
Pontypool

Just a thought.

Whether you want to admit it or not, zombie movies are becoming passe. Animated zombies films, however, are still pretty cool. If you need evidence of this, scoot on over to Zombie Info for a bunch of hi-res images and an exclusive interview with the creators, who hope to turn the awesome trailer below in a feature length film

The animation looks fucking sick. It’s dark, gritty, and heavily stylized, and the zombies have that emaciated, freshly-risen-from-the-grave-and-ready-to-eat-some-humans looks about them that is criminally underutilized in live-action zombie films. The beauty of this is that animation opens up so many more doors in terms of what can logistically be done with the way the zombies look without compromising the overall look of the movie (i.e. shit CGI).

This trailer sold me completely on The Signal, which currently stands as one of my favorite horror films. It’s a damn shame it had be taken down due to the unauthorized use of Lou Reed’s “Perfect Day,” covered in by Jon Thomas Hall in a delightfully appropriate rock styling. The Signal also made me realize how awesome an actor AJ Bowen is, and eventually how underutilized he was in House of the Devil, which was, much to the chagrin of most, a very mediocre film. He’s currently filming Hatchet 2 by genre fav Adam Green, and while I don’t have high hopes because Hatchet was pretty terrible, I will shell out too much money for a ticket to see it in the theater because of Bowen.

This trailer is just too fucking excellent, and completely belies the film’s meager $50,000 budget.

Sadly, this film is not a documentary detailing the unfortunate demise of a vapid whore who cries when her daddy doesn’t get her the right car for her birthday, but instead an original made-for-MTV horror flick airing this Friday at 10 PM.

To get straight to the point, I do not think this movie will be very good, but I do admire MTV for both abandoning their normal tripe and producing a horror film, the caliber of which is far beyond anything bullshit remake that has recently come out (read: anything by J.S. Cardone). The film is (obviously) a send up of that insipid My Super Sweet 16 show, which if the trailer is indication looks to be genuinely bloody and, dare I say, a damn good time. Plus, it’s directed by Jacob Gentry, who directed the second “transmission” of the beyond stellar thriller The Signal, so with luck the humor will be bloody dark and hilarious. Also, ignore the fact that it was written by two individuals whose writing credits are ironically mostly reality shows.

Bonus: the film stars Juliana Guill, who is banging hot and totally got naked in the Friday the 13th redux by Platinum Dunes.

A lot of people have been saying good things about the trailer to Romero’s classic flick The Crazies. I don’t see it. The egregious use of Gary Jules’ cover of “Mad World” is grossly inappropriate for the tone trying to be conveyed throughout the film. I do understand why they used the song – contrasting the lyrics and soft tone with the events in the film – but it unnecessarily extends it way past the point of caring and reveals way too much about the “crazies.” The trailer should have ended right before “Mad World” begins, which would give the audience a small taste of the inevitable gruesome madness it is promising. There is absolutely no hook, and as a result it fails miserably.

Decide for yourself. Thoughts?

The hullabaloo surrounding Jennifer’s Body is predicated upon two factors:

1. The success of Diablo Cody’s screenwriting debut Juno

and

2. Megan Fox

The first one is more or less a moot point. I enjoyed Juno the first time I saw it, then all subsequent viewings rendered me incapable of appreciating its zany dialogue, unbelievable characters and bizarre psuedo-pedophiliac subplot starring Jason Bateman. Despite this, there is nothing stopping everyone’s favorite stripper-cum-writer from banging out a solid comedic horror flick, no matter how ridiculous the plot may be.

And the plot is indeed ridiculous. Utilizing the same theme found in the far superior The Hottie and the Nottiei starring Paris Hilton and the tomboy from Step by Step, uber hot flag girl Jennifer Check, played by Megan Fox has a best friend named Anita “Needy” Lesnicky who is apparently the exact opposite of Jennifer. Unfortunately for Jennifer, she gets sacrificed to the Devil by a rock band looking to garner a record deal. This is totally normal and not retarded on the myriad of levels it seems to be. Unfortunately, high school students aren’t too adept at conducting sacrifical rituals, and Jennifer becomes possessed by a demon with the urge to eat the boys at her school. Anita must stop her best friend from killing all the boys in her school. Girl power!

The ridiculous plot and inane subtext notwithstanding, Megan Fox simply sucks. She is a poor man’s Jennifer Connolly, and she couldn’t act her way out of a paper bag. What are two prior credits? Both Transformers movies. Was she good in them? No. She was eye candy. And that’s all she’ll be in this film.

I’m aware of my cynicism, considering I haven’t even seen the film, but God dammit, I fucking hate Megan Fox. I hope I’m proven wrong, I really am, I just don’t have high hopes. Also, this picture is just ridiculous, and of the main reasons I think the movie will be stupid.

I know my love for French horror is, oh, a little extreme, but the trailer for Humains, directed by Jacques-Olivier Molon and Pierre-Olivier Thevenin looks pretty solid. The plot is as follows, thanks to imdb and my inability to sum up movies without sounding retarded:

A team of several researchers travel to the Swiss Alps to investigate a scientific discovery on human evolution. The trip, however, turns into a deadly fight for survival when the team crash into a gully and find themselves falling prey to someone…or something.

Peter Hall, Allocine, and Scott Weinberg for introducing me to this little gem.

The trailer for Daybreakers has hit the interblags, and while I’m not expecting much, it does look like a fun fuckin’ movie, on par with Doomsday but not retarded or completely unoriginal.

And is that…Placebo playing over the end of the trailer? Awful, awful choice.

For fun racial musings, check out Horror’s Not Dead’s piece on the conspicuous lack of black vampires in the trailer.

Based on the Richard Matheson short story “Button, Button,” which was adapted into a Twilight Zone episode, The Box synopsis belies the Saw-like qualities found in the trailer. B-D mentions a particular grievance with the use of the Saw theme, though I find this less of an annoyance than the fact that the movies bares way too many similarities to the Saw movies in terms of plot. I have a modicum of faith in the picture, if only because Richard Kelly wrote and directed it.

After viewing the trailer, I think the movie would work better as an outright thriller, devoted more to the moral and ethical consequences surrounded with the power the couple is given as opposed to the basic cat-and-mouse vibe the trailer seems to be giving off. Also, the poster fucking sucks. Cameron Diaz’s face shouldn’t be on anything.

According to Wikipedia, which once proved for one minute that Nancy Grace had the Sarlacc coming out of her vagina (damned editors), the Arcade Fire will be providing an original score for the film. This is good news for someone like me who actually gives a shit about soundtracks to convey mood and tension. Additionally, Kelly had this to say about the film: “My hope is to make a film that is incredibly suspenseful and broadly commercial, while still retaining my artistic sensibility.” Good fucking luck.

The synopsis, as per B-D:

Norma and Arthur Lewis are a suburban couple with a young child who receive an anonymous gift bearing fatal and irrevocable consequences. A simple wooden box, it promises to deliver its owner $1 million with the press of a button. However, pressing this button will simultaneously cause the death of another human being somewhere in the world…someone they don’t know. With just 24 hours to have the box in their possession, Norma and Arthur find themselves in the crosshairs of a startling moral dilemma and face the true nature of their humanity.

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As an aside, Hellboy II apparently received Best Horror Film at the Saturn Awards, proving once and for all that anything remotely connected to horror in any way can be deemed horror. I’m looking at you, Twilight. Full list of winners can be found here and a whole host of other places.

Undead, the the zombie-alien mashup from first time writing/directing team the Spierig Brothers, was to me a monumental disappointment. What started as a hilarious and bloody good zombie movie eventually degraded into a near-nonsensical alien flick that sucked all the entertainment out of what could have been a solid zombie film.

Despite this, I am looking forward to their sophomore effort Daybreakers, a post-apocalyptic vampire flick boasting an all-star cast. The synopsis:

A deadly plague which breaks out in the year 2017, turning most of the human population into vampires. The dominant vampires plot a way to ensure their survival in the face of dwindling blood supplies, but a researcher (Hawke) works with a rogue group of vampires to save humankind.

The all-star cast includes Ethan Hawke, Willem Dafoe, Sam fucking Neill, and a couple of women I’ve never heard of. If the eerily familiar plot and cast wasn’t enough to sell me on the film, the poster is.

Special thanks to Quiet Earth for bringing this to my attention.