I can’t believe I haven’t uploaded this yet. John Gholson is an artist and actor living in Austin. For the small sum of $5, he will draw for you whatever the Hell you want. Seriously. It doesn’t matter how outrageous it is, he’ll draw it. There are only three caveats, however: the request can’tcontain pornography, he chooses the medium, and you can’t request your money back. That last one is inconsequential, as his work will far surpass your expectations.

Take for example my request: Cthulhu, Medusa, and Cerberus playing poker with Tony Danza with Danza flashing four aces and saying “Who’s the Boss, bitches?”

And he fucking NAILED IT.

Visit his site Taking Requests and make a God damn request. You shan’t be disappointed.

WrongCards.com, an e-card website for those who feel sarcasm and humor is better than genuine affection, has a wonderful collection of zombie-themed e-cards to send to those special loved ones you feel need a little more zombie in their lives.

I’d like to see a zombie film that has nothing to do with survival and everything to do with panic. In the end, the zombies are merely secondary to the overarching theme of Holy shit we’re all going to die.

Am I the only one who thinks a zombie apocalypse would be awesome? It’d be every wannabe-survivalist’s wet dream.

A witty catch phrase just before you mow down a rampaging horde of the undead will only enhance your coolness.

I think this was the only one on the website that could actually be used as a meaningful e-card.

The rest can be viewed here.

Reddit introduces me to wonderful things. Flickr user “stothemofob” made this excellent design for Threadless. I encourage everyone to go for it so I can buy it once it’s released. Clicky-click the image to go to his Flickr page and support him. Anyone who makes something as cool as that deserves it.

Nothing scared me more as a child than the following three books:

Terrifying me to the point where my father actually complained to my elementary school over allowing something as psychologically damaging as these books to be checked out by kids, my interest in these books was rekindled when I saw the anthology for sale at Borders one day. The stories, edited and adapted from folklore and urban legends by Alvin Schwartz, were actually the least terrifying aspect of the three books. While the books did possess a few creepy-as-fuck stories, it was the nightmare-inducing illustrations Stephen Gammell that forced me to sleep with the light on for God knows how long. Let’s examine some, shall we?

The look of hydrocephaly is not scary in of itself, but when it looks like you’re missing half your skin, have a sealed ocular cavity, are completely bald, and are rendered in black and white, it’s absolutely terrifying. This image accompanied the introduction of the second book, where Alvin Schwartz used the T. S. Eliot-coined phrase “hoo-ha” to describe the fear elicited from scary stories. A “hoo-ha” is  a euphemism for the vagina. Deduce from that what you will.

What. The. Fuck. is that? According to the story for which it was illustrated, it’s nothing more than a ghost that likes to give “raspberries” to poor, frightened children. To me, it’s the ultimate cure for constipation, because if I saw that thing sitting on a dresser, in the dark, staring at me with those two dark holes where eyes should be, I would shit myself.

The Macy’s Day Parade has been switched to Halloween. Is that thing smiling?

This scared me the most when I was a kid, as it combined my fear of spiders and my tendency to believe everything I read in a convenient little package. It also looks like they capitalized on the “creepy long-black haired girl” thing before the Japanese ever did. This picture is what prompted my dad to chew out the school and my twin brother to call me a wuss. I WAS FUCKING SEVEN! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?!?!

Screenshots of every page of each of the three books can be found at http://www.imgdump.info/, though fair warning: pornographic ads plague the many pages, as does an ad to become a male escort. Coincidentally, if any ladies in the Denver area need a date, I can be reached at http://www.loweredexpectations.com/male-escorts.

…with a house.

A man.

And a little girl.

To be continued…

And this is why Amanda is awesome.

Sadly, I have nothing of substance to write, as I am currently in a hotel room somewhere outside of St. Louis. This will hopefully change once I start spending eight hours a day in coffee shops applying for jobs and writing until my brain bleeds. Lest this blog lapse into stagnation, I present to you a very awesome and nightmare-inducing drawing by the very beautiful Amanda.

I mean seriously…how fucking cool is that?

Reddit introduces me to the most wonderful things, including the photo manipulations of Live Journal user tebe_interesno. While I don’t find the images to be relative to horror, they are indeed beautiful and dare I say whimsical in nature, and as such worthy of being shared. Enjoy.