In Defense of Twilight
Wait, what?
Several days ago a debate raged on for approximately fifteen minutes on the Twitters over the destruction of vampire mythology in the Twilight series. This seemingly grievous sin, which seemed to be focused heavily on vampires that can traipse freely under the warm glow of the sun and, well, sparkle, is apparently worthy of the creation of a tenth circle of Hell. Much of this has been at the forefront of the anti-Twilight sentiment that has proliferated the interblags since a good Mormon woman threw caution into the wind and mashed the keys on her computer until something resembling literature – much like grunting resembles speech – appeared on her screen, and in a way I can get behind it all.
“A vampire without fangs that walks in the sunlight is just another kid at Hot Topic with a HIM album.” -BJ-C
The beauty of the horror genre is its ability to transcend convention. While common vampiric traits are found in all films featuring these creatures of the night, the decision to warp them to fit your own agenda is well within your right as an author or filmmaker. The fact that Twilight is not horror notwithstanding, Stephenie Meyer has done nothing wrong because its HER vision of vampirism and, in a startling revelation that seems to have slipped through the minds of most railing upon the film:
Twilight was not written for us. It was written for tweens and bored women with deluded notions of romanticism and chivalry, so our endless bitching over Meyer’s treatment of vampires is relatively pointless. My distaste for the novels lies in its affront to literature as a whole, and for the films in their utter mediocrity. I turned off Twilight twenty minutes in due to its inability to provoke a reaction that didn’t result in vomiting, and then there’s this post, which brought defenders of the phenomenon affectionately dubbed Twatlight by a baton-twirling beauty queen (irony is cute) out of the woodwork and criticizing me for criticizing Meyer and her work. Fun was had by all. But I digress.
I could really give a shit if vampire lore is toyed with. It certainly isn’t why Twilight sucks, and it certainly wouldn’t make an otherwise good film a bad one, especially if it was explained. If it can work with zombies (Les Revenants, Dawn of the Dead 2K4, etc), why can’t it work with vampires?
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My issue with Twilight is that it is hideously poorly written. Every time I see a line from that book, I cringe. Stephanie Meyer is an even worse writer than the hack who led me to believe that if she could get a book published, I could at least write a story–and I was actually making corrections in that book as I read it! I have never even gotten through Twilight, it is that awful. I suppose that I may sound like a Bitter Betty when I say this, but I hear that Meyer has relatives in the publishing business, which may explain how this dreck got published in the first place.
Reading Twilight is like eating a dinner composed of cotton candy and artificial fruit punch. It’s empty calories and sickeningly sweet.
I haven’t seen the film yet. There was no way I was going to spend my hard earned bucks to watch that shite in a theatre. I’ve queued it in Netflix so my son and I can rip it apart on movie night. I figure if I watch it with someone else, maybe we can keep the vomiting to a minimum because we’ll be laughing at one another’s snide commentary.
Oh Brad, I miss you.
I am sadly one of the brain-dead who has both read the Saga, seen the movies and enjoys them for what they are… trashy teen romance novels. Sometimes it’s fun to revel in the melodrama and teen angst and co-dependency. It’s like high school on steroids.
But aside from that, I appreciate this post. Who honestly cares if she destroyed traditional vampire lore? This isn’t a horror movie (well, the bad acting alone is pretty horrific but I don’t think that’s what you meant). It’s a just a way for bored women (me included) and their teenage daughters (or sons) to pass the time and pretend that there is a life far more interesting than our own. I didn’t pick this book up thinking it was going to one day sit alongside the classics. I picked it up knowing it was an easy (mindless) read when I took three days off from work over a year ago.
I’m sure you will mock me endlessly for my poor taste in movies and books, but that’s not exactly a mystery for you because you’ve known me for approximately six years. I like the Twilight Saga (save for book 4) and I will shamelessly admit it. (Okay, there is a little shame.)
My thought process went something like this:
“Who are you? Thanks. Oh, it’s little Sara. Ok.”
Ha! Yes, little Sara.
Stephanie Meyer may or may not have relatives in publishing, but her break came a lead posted on Janet Evanovich’s website (Meyer’s sister directed her to the site – perhaps that’s the source of this rumor). Evanovich opined that Writers House was a literary agency that real worked for writers’ interests. WH was the target of one of fifteen query letters from Meyer. An assistant at the agency picked it up and requested Meyer send in her first three chapters. On the strength of those, she was asked to finish up her first novel, then called “Forks.” Writers House then shopped it around to nine publishers. Little Brown snatched it up. The whole thing, from first pitch to offer from Little Brown famous took only six months. Other than that first lead, I don’t know of any relatives getting involved in the story.
A lot of anger directed “Twilight’s” way is due to the sub level fan writing style of series creator Meyer who can’t string two words together in a coherent fashion. Have managed to get through 100 pages of the first book and am left pondering exactly what state of disuse editing is currently in up North there.
The movies themselves are disposable trash, just like 90% of the rest of Boredwood’s output. Have no issues with the movies beyond a slight thought about what sort of message they are sending to young girls, and of course how badly they are constructed.
In a few years time they will be forgotten and we can get on with the next pop icon.
I’m surprised no one’s mentioned this: The problem isn’t THAT they sparkle, but there’s a big dramatic build-up to that point where we’re about to be shown why vampires have to hide. Not knowing anything about Twilight before seeing it, I was expecting something horrific or frightening or at least interesting. Instead, they sparkle. Why the FUCK would you hide for centuries just because you sparkle? Wear some (more!) make-up, ferchrissakes!