I Love Horror – A horror blog devoted to the critical, analytical, and cynical assessment of the horror industry and horror films.

Brian Matus, AKA Hellstorm, AKA a Ghost Rider villain, posted this nifty little list on his blog hosted over at Fangoria.com. Being the contentious type of person that I am, I have included a rebuttal to each question. They take the form of bold face type, so as to distinguish the awesomeness from the inanity.

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10. You have to hate when directors take the basic plot from an older film and tell an otherwise different story, yet list The THING (1982), THE FLY (1986) and/or 1972′S LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (with its basic plot “borrowed” from 1960’s THE VIRGIN SPRING) among your favorite horror films. You may even begrudgingly look forward to 2009’s FRIDAY THE 13TH, MY BLOODY VALENTINE or THE WOLFMAN. You may also protect yourself from future scorn, ridicule and embarrasment by suggesting that these films “will probably suck.”

Maybe because they’re better films? In the end it all comes down to opinion, no matter how much someone swears the original The Thing from Another World is better than Carpenter’s loose remake. Originality does not exist anymore, and everything has been done before. So if someone can come along and update a classic story and do it well, excellent.

9. You have to hate American films that rip off older horror movies, yet praise films from other countries that are either “homages” or “responses” to these same films.

It’s been my experience in the past that the films from other countries that fall into this category (see: Frontier(s)) are generally just better films. For example, some people may hate The Unborn because it rips off The Exorcist, I hate it because it’s a shitty movie.

8. When a new horror film comes out, you have to point out how “unoriginal” it is, based upon any plot point or camera angle that bears any resemblance to an older film while complaining that you wish new horror films were more like older films (or foreign films). See #9 for exceptions to this rule.

My response to this is simple: the two are mutually exclusive, as the overall appeal of a modern horror film isn’t predicated on whether or not it borrows aspects from another film or its originality. Additionally, see my response to #9 and #10, the former of which sets up a perfect example. The Unborn rips off a number of elements from The Exorcist, from demon possession to the spiderwalk scene, and everything in between. Both have the potential to be good, regardless of who did it first. It just so happens The Unborn is pure shit while The Exorcist is phenomenal. I’m aware that could be explained better, perhaps a bit moree eloquently and without the rampant profanity, but I’m tired and have had only one cup of coffee this morning.

7. You have to complain about how your “all-time favorite director” hasn’t put out a decent film in years. When he finally releases a new film, you have to point out all of the ways it’s both unlike his previous films and how he has no new ideas.

This goes for any genre. Narrowing it down to just horror is pretty ridiculous.

6. You have to hate when horror films have no character development and when a film spends too much time focusing on the characters before the horror finally starts. Somehow this only applies to new films, not older films.

I disagree. Session 9 is an excellent example of this. The tension is slow but evenly paced throughout, and doesn’t reach a climax until the final ten minutes. This to me is the sign of a good horror film. The characters and the tension they create amongst themselves provides the overall feeling of dread for the entire film. One must always be reminded, however, of the power of subjectivity.

5. You have to hate “neutered” PG-13 horror films, and gratuitous nudity, violence and/or gore in R-rated films.

Gratuitous nudity, violence, and/or gore are perfectly acceptable if they’re necessary to the story and are indeed supported by a compelling plot, good acting, so on and so forth. Or alternatively, if the only goal of the film is to be excessive in all these elements, and STORY BE DAMNED! See my response to #3 for clarification.

4. You have to hate new horror films that either “aren’t scary” or “have an inconsistent tone” (often by saying, “it can’t decide if it wants to be a horror movie or a “), while listing BRAINDEAD/DEAD ALIVE, SHAUN OF THE DEAD, and/or RE-ANIMATOR among your favorite films.

God bless the wonderful world of subjectivity and opinions.

3. You have to hate the way that “torture porn” films feature violence and gore in place of character development while at the same time point out that these films don’t have nearly as much violence and/or gore as your favorite “gorefest.”

Most “gorefests” tend to focus on the gore and little else. When viewed within the context of “torture porn,” you see an obvious difference in intent. Movies such as Hostel and Saw attempt to hook you in with both gratuitous violence and a compelling story. Most “gore fests” lack the latter, and instead serve as a means to satisfy one’s twisted need to see mindless violence, eschewing anything that resembles a worthwhile story. I don’t care about the main characters plight in Dead Alive, I just want to see zombies get destroyed en masse by a lawnmower.

2. You have to hate how the CGI looks fake in new films while praising older films with obviously fake-looking blood, latex and make-up effects, monster suits or stop-motion animation.

That’s generally part of their appeal. Additionally, older films were working within their means, and as such had a tendency to succeed quite admirably in the effects department. With the technology we have today, there should be no reason a film shouldn’t be able to utilize stunning CGI or, should money not be available for it, standard make-up and effects.

1. As if all this weren’t hard enough, you have to do all of these things while at the same time complaining about how mainstream critics don’t respect the genre and the intelligence of its fans.

Shit, I don’t complain. The modern mainstream horror industry is almost worthless, with only a small handful of writers and directors saving it from going the way of disco.

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Never pigeonhole horror fans. It does a great disservice to the industry and the fanbase as a whole, often debasing them to some lower form of life. I’m a film fan and critic first, a horror fan second. When the horror industry stops producing crap, then maybe I’ll start being a little less cynical.