Trailer for the Russian horror film Robinzonka. I can’t tell if it has potential because I have no idea what the hell is going on.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjVd35y0H9c&hl=en&fs=1]

Those fine fellows over at Quiet Earth gave us a look at the upcoming Norwegian film Børre. The film seems fairly low budget, but never say never. The final ten seconds is simply eerie.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VnAcINBH4A&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1]

The other night my friend Kevin sent me a link to a Wikipedia article on Pre-Christian Alpine traditions. For those unaware of what this is, Pre-Christian Alpine traditions are the traditions of the peoples who inhabited the central and eastern Alps. Some of these traditions still exist today, especially in Austria, where during the Christmas season we can be fortunate enough to run into teeming mobs of these guys.

In American tradition, which is boring as hell compared to pretty much everything in Europe, Santa Claus is a jolly ol’ fat man whose sole pleasure in life is breaking into homes and leaving presents for good children, possibly to entice them to come back to his van. If you’re bad, instead of presents he leaves a lump of coal in your stocking. Basically, he’s a dick.

While Santa is in charge of everything on Christmas, aided only by his subservient wife and slave elves, Central European traditions assigns a more sinister, more malevolent figure called Knecht Ruprecht to take over the duties of doling out coal to naughty children, only instead of coal he eats children and drowns them in rivers. This seems like it would be a lot more effective than the threat of grounding for misbehavior.

In Central Europe Knecht Ruprecht goes by a variety of names – Krampus, Schmutzli, Belsnickel – depending on which country he comes from, though all hold the distinction of being total bastards. Of all the variations the Krampus is the most terrifying, portrayed as an incubus and looking more or less like the devil himself.

During the Christmas season in America, we’re treated to songs about Jesus, A-MAZING holiday shopping, and A Charlie Brown Christmas. In Central Europe, you’re treated to roving bands of men who wander the streets dressed to the nines in Krampus uniforms and seriously fuck shit up. On December 5th, in the small Austrian town of Schladming, 1200 plus of these bastards get shitfaced and beat women with sticks. Seriously. All in the name of tradition. During the festivals of old, Krampusse, who were traditionally poor children, go sledding and have fun, just like us! Except they swing chains and bells while doing so, oftentimes hurling the chains at people who cross their paths. Though this tradition, called a Krampusumzüge still exists today, it has apparently become less violent, thus sucking all the fun out of it.

If watching Eden Lake taught me anything, it’s that British children are insanely violent sociopaths who like to set people on fire.

The debut feature of writer/director James Watkins, Eden Lake is a film for those who like to see innocent people hunted, tortured, and killed, all while performing their best rendition of Mystery Science Theater 3000 to every single cliché and standard survival thriller trope that pervades the film from beginning to end. But in the end, it’s ok, because despite the film’s weaknesses, Watkins manages to entertain and deliver a delightfully depraved and cringe-inducing thriller that makes me never, ever want to visit England.

The plot is relatively simple for films of this nature, but is distinguished from the rest in that it’s actually well acted, not campy, and overtly disturbing to the point where I blurted out “Holy shit! at the scene of a child being set on fire” A young beautiful couple, Steve and Jenny, whose British accents only serve to amplify their beauty, go on a seemingly idyllic camping trip at a little secluded beach called Eden Lake (duh). Everything seems to be going well until a bunch of ruffians, no older than fourteen years of age and no younger than, say, ten, start annoying them with loud music and voyeurism. Eventually their car and other belongings are stolen by the children. When finally confronted, a fight breaks out and the dog belonging to the ringleader of this vicious band of misfits is accidentally shanked. What follows is a game of cat-and-mouse beleaguered with clichés, lots of blood, and a garbage can filled with poop.

The movie is incredibly violent and deeply disturbing. Violence involving children is not new or feared in horror, but when given the context of reality – real people, real situations, and real fears, all wrapped up in the guise of “What if this actually happened?” – it is elevated to an entirely new level. The children in this film are violent, sadistic, and for the majority of the film devoid of anything resembling that which makes us civilized human beings. One incredibly vicious scene has one of the children forcing all the others to take turns stabbing, slicing, and cutting into Steve while the lone female films the gruesome events. People being set on fire, more stabbings, and minor impalements follow, but the most gruesome scene features no blood and only your imagination.

Only toward the end of their onslaught do the children begin to show something that resembles remorse, cloaked heavily in an aura of fear over being caught for their heinous acts. Brett, ringleader of the misanthropic band of evil little shits, remains the only one truly dedicated to the cause (yeah, killing innocent couples is a cause now), but toward the end of the film the cracks begin to show, albeit subtly, and don’t truly manifest themselves until the final scene before cutting to black. This was incredibly poignant, I thought, as it revealed not only a glimpse of humanity of the child, but also a minor underlying theme of parental influence. While this may or may not have been intentional, it was certainly present and gives to the film a greater impact, casting off any notion of it as a one-off horror film designed to make the audience cringe.

In viewing the film I found many similarities to The Descent, namely the point in the film where Jenny decides to cast off her timid shell and fight back. While both carry a survivalist theme, the main female characters in either film experience the manifestation of the latent survival instinct inherent in everyone long after the death of their companion(s). This serves as a standard cliché, however, for many films in the survivalist genre, a notable exception being Ils, which features lots and lots of running and hiding. Further comparisons between the two films are more stylistic than anything. The music was eerily similar, as was the scene in which one of the children gets a makeshift shiv through the neck, the result of Jenny’s sanity slowly unraveling. This death, however, is related, however tenuous, to Jenny’s ultimate downfall, just as Beth’s death in The Descent is partially related to the downfall of Juno. This review doesn’t do it justice, so see both films and you’ll understand where I’m coming from.

Survival horror can be a problem for some. While I believe that this subgenre of horror has the highest amount of potential for genuine fucked-upness, it also has a predisposition for unoriginality. This isn’t that big of an issue, especially with me, as expecting originality in a horror film is like expecting a porno film to have a compelling plot and solid acting. All films, no matter how ridiculous and derivative they may seem have the potential to be an excellent film. Eden Lake is no exception. Watkins has crafted a relatively solid thriller, and though not without its problems, manages to deliver on his freshman debut as director.

Scotland Chainsaw Massacre

The world is more horrific than the movies. A 50-year old Hampshire man who was about the be evicted decided that cutting off his own head with a chainsaw was a more appropriate form of protest than, say, a tersely worded letter.

David Phyall went to tragic lengths to take his life because he wanted to make a statement about what he believed was unfair treatment at the hands of his housing association landlords, the court was told.

He rejected 11 offers of alternative accommodation from Atlantic and other social landlords – while other residents chose to move out to better homes – despite having regularly complained about his living conditions.

I read elsewhere that he rigged the chainsaw to a timer, and simply placed his neck on it and…waited. If there was an award for msot creative suicide, this is definitely it.

Turkey Head Salt & Pepper Shakers

Boing Boing , that repository of all things wonderful, has introduced us to turkey head salt and pepper shakers. The creepiness of their dead stare is enhanced by the fact that they’re apparently made from “freshly-dead” specimens or freeze dried taxidermy. Either way, the notion that you’re putting pepper on a turkey from the head of a turkey is delightfully hilarious and morbid.

Zombie Children and the Artwork of Jason Chan

Found by way of Tor.com, concept artist Jason Chan created this lovely vision of abject horror for Thunderdome: Last Man Standing. I strongly suggest you head on over to his site and check out his artwork.

Thanks to the newly discovered Quiet Earth, here is the trailer and poster and poster for the upcoming film White Wall.

From the website: “Set in a wasteland enclosed by a large white wall, the last survivor from a brutal child internment camp reluctantly takes on one final bounty hunting job to protect the idyllic life he has rebuilt.”

This is the first I have heard of this film, and after viewing the trailer I’m beyond surprised that this is the first site I have found to report on it. I’ve been wanting a new movie to salivate over, and this seems to be it. EDIT: It seem Dread Central reported on the film as well, getting their info from Quiet Earth.

White Wall teaser from white wall on Vimeo.

Note: I have no idea why the teaser won’t embed. My apologies.

For most horror enthusiasts, zombies are equated with the one and only George Romero. This visionary, now long past the point where he has the potential to release something worth watching, gave to us the archetypal zombie we all know and love, his influence spanning every medium and evolving into its own subculture that literally takes over cities.

Romero’s zombie is played out, my friends. We need something new, something fresh! We need something capable of superhuman strength and able to increase their size at will. We need a less vulnerable zombie, one where the only proper way to dispose of it is to cut off its head, burn the body, and dump the ashes in the sea just to be on the safe side. We need shape-shifting zombies where one of the only ways to subdue it is to wrestle it back to its grave, followed by a resounding BOOYAH! because you just wrestled an undead, vampiric, nearly immortal, hulking, rotting, stinking shape-shifting corpse back into the ground!

We need the draugr.

The draugr is a curious creature insofar as it contains a myriad of horrific elements, many of which are found in modern interpretations of zombies, ghosts, and vampires. The original meaning of the word in Old Norse is that of “ghost,” though the relationship between the supernatural and the draugr is tenuous. The draugr is a corporeal being, it being the body of the recently deceased, though after death and through the duration of its resurrection it contains a variety of supernatural powers.

As was stated above, a draugr is capable of many things. Aside from being able to increase its size at will, they were heavy enough to crush their victims to death. They possessed the power to see into the future, as well as control the weather and change shape, though I believe it is there ability to move through earth, as well as stone, which makes them perfect fodder for horror films. The very fact that they have a literary basis for actually crawling out of the grave and don’t rely on mere suspension of disbelief makes them inherently creepy because people still believe they exist.

In picturing the structure, scope, and hopefully phenomenal film I will probably never write, I tend to conjure up visions of an epic masterpiece that lends itself more to the action-adventure genre (see: the new Beowulf film) than to anything that can be considered horror. In order to prevent this from taking place its approach will have to be subdued, eschewing outlandish action sequences a la 300 for, you know, a good story and acting that doesn’t make that your 3rd grade performance of Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights seem like Citizen Kane.

Though stories of fights between a draugr and a hero are found in the Icelandic sagas (see Grettirs Saga, 37), I doubt they contain the level of excitement necessary to appeal to modern moviegoers. This can be easily fixed by allowing a bit of creative license, but I am both a minimalist and utterly devoted to source material, so changes would be limited. The stories themselves are terrifying in their own right, and I really don’t want to piss off roaming bands of Viking scholars.

Perhaps the best, or rather, the most appropriate aspect of the draugr that could conceivably lend itself to good drama and suspense within the film is, to quote the website from where I’ve culled the majority of this information, is that their “unnatural hunger …was perhaps a physical manifestation of its desire for life.” In this we have motive for our antagonists’ aggression as opposed to being nothing more than empty metaphors that lose meaning over time.

Most contemporary horror does little to assign the remnants of ancient conceptions of fear their rightful place among the horror elite. Original ideas are indeed prevalent, yet no one has treaded new ground and created a genuinely terrifying film focused on that which has remained a consistent source of fear for over a thousand years. Or at least I don’t think anyone has. I’ve been wrong in the past. Regardless, the draugr represents a heavily underutilized…well, non-utilized, as far as I know, harbinger of fear in horror films, and if I can discipline myself to write the damned thing, maybe this will change.

Info found here and here.

The written word is far more powerful than any moving image, so it comes as no surprise to find a massive rise in popularity of zombie fiction. It broke into the mainstream with Max Brooks with his Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z, both of which remained on the New York Times best sellers list for weeks. Others, such as former religious studies professor Kim Paffenroth, have written extensively on zombies, both in the context of film and literature.

This is the trailer for The Living Dead, an upcoming anthology of zombie fiction with contributions by some of the greatest science fiction and horror authors alive today, including George R. R. Martin, Stephen King, Clive Barker, and my personal favorite, Neil Gaiman.

Most zombie films aren’t really that scary, but this simple minute long trailer is pretty damned freaky. If the book is half as good as this is, it will be a monumental success and definitely worth a look see.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=raNWFhPxi5Q&hl=en&fs=1]

Source: Tor.com

This is the poster, found via Dread Central for an upcoming indie horror film by some guy no one has ever heard of called Live Evil.

Palindromes are finally cool again.

My distaste for the Saw franchise runs rampant through these parts. My invective toward the creators of this pathetic excuse for a horror franchise is, of course, invariably overshadowed by my blatant hypocrisy, which manifests itself in my love of the Puppet Master and Friday the 13th series. This, hwoever, is something that I feel I can defend, because Puppet Master features evil puppets who kill people in amusing and creative ways, and Friday the 13th is, well, Friday the 13th. With the latter, it’s all camp, at least after the first few, while Saw attempts to take itself seriously and winds up just being a laughable attempt at being “edgy.” And bloody. And ooooooh, twist endings. Thanks M. Night.

To say Saw is ALL bad would be a disservice to the creative geniuses behind their promotional campaign, which consists of some of the most cleverly designed and disturbing horror movie posters in recent memory. Let’s have a look, shall we?

Saw

Ahhh, the hand and foot. Apparently an allusion to a blow job is not acceptable (see: Zach and Miri poster), but severed body parts is A-OK for the MPAA! When placed side by side, something I was unable to do with Wordpress without fucking up formatting, the posters give the allusion of being one seamless image. Whether or not this was intentional is anyone guess, but it’s good marketing insofar as it actually makes me want to buy both of them so I can put them side by side on my wall and freak people out.

Saw II

The primary Saw II poster, which follows the same trend as the first with its predominant white background, amps up the gross-out factor by signifying this is indeed a poster for the sequel by using two rotting, mangled fingers. It is also interesting to note that these posters contain no blood. At all.

Saw III

Now that’s just gross.

Saw IV

This is a good allusion to what happened to Jigsaw in the third film, which should have ENDED THE FUCKING FRANCHISE BECAUSE THE TITULAR CHARACTER IS DEAD!

Saw V

Aww crap.

But that is pretty freakin’ cool.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: fuck remakes.

Rumors of an Oldboy remake have been floating around for awhile, with the closest thing coming in the form of an unauthorized Bollywood film called Zinda, though this is not billed as a remake and is really nothing more than plagarism to the nth degree. However, Bloody-Disgusting, HorrorNews, and a host of other sites have reported that uber-Jew Steven Spielberg is in talks to direct the remake starring none other than Scientology fanboy Will Smith.

Will Smith as Oh Daesu? The only response this shall elicit from me is a hearty “LOL.” And uncontrollable vomiting, nausea, and further disbelief in the existence of a kind and loving God.

Now, I don’t think Will Smith is a bad actor (or a good actor), but I think casting him in this role is about as bad as casting Rob Schneider in anything. One forum member over at Bloody-Disgusting said that the obvious choice is Gary Oldman, and I agree. Oldman is without a doubt one of the most versatile actors around today, and to disgrace Chanwook Park’s film with a terrible remake starring the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is tantamount to filmmaker blasphemy and worthy of public stoning.

For those who have seen the film, it is brilliant in ways that can only be seen to believed. Based, albeit rather loosely, on the manga of the same name, Oldboy tells the story of Oh Daesu who, after being imprisoned for fifteen years by unseen captors, he must put the pieces of his own past together and discover the who and why of his capitivity. It has received countless accolades and maintains a relatively respectable spot on theIMDB top 250 list. It’s incredibly perverse in its ways of detailing the struggles one man will go through to get his revenge on those who imprisoned him. It culminates in one of the greatest twist endings I have ever seen, and upon viewing it, you’ll know exactly why this Hollywood remake is a huge mistake.