An open letter to J. S. Cardone
Mr. Cardone,
I remember seeing an advertisement for your film, Wicked Little Things
, over two years ago. It was one of the eight that make up the 8 Films to Die For in 2006, and despite the presence of a film starring Snoop Dogg, I was really looking forward to it. Your movie stood out the most, as I absolutely love zombie films, and the poster was just excellent. Little children are inherently creepy, and since this wasn’t a Japanese ghost story, I was beyond excited and thought the film was going to be absolutely incredible. In the end, though, I guess it was a good thing I couldn’t make it to any of the showings, because if I had to pay money for this film, I probably would have burnt down the fucking theater so no one would be subjected to that unmitigated pile of crap you call a movie.
Now, I’m a firm believer that any premise, no matter how ridiculous or cliched, can be made into a good horror film. Take for example Ils by David Moreau and Xavier Palud. They took a simple premise and produced a brilliant and tension-filled thriller. Now, take The Strangers by Brian Bertino as another example. Same basic premise, yet it’s the only film other than yours that makes Batman & Robin seem like a good movie. Horror is a delicate genre. It’s the most often criticized of all the genres, and it’s incredibly rare to see one actually make money based on its merits and not a good marketing campaign. If it does not attain a certain level of respectability, be it through a good story, a stellar soundtrack, or Hell, even mindless gore, then it has failed. Yours actually made it to theaters, and for that I commend you. But you failed to put the passion every horror fan has into your film, and instead made nothing more than an excuse to lower the bar for what’s acceptable in the genre today.
What could have made your film better? Other than a complete rewrite of the script? How about believable dialogue? Did you really think “You’re shittin’ me? Up with the fucking zombies?” was acceptable? Yes, I know you didn’t write the film, but as director and producer, I assumed you would have some sort of creative control. Or was this more of a 9-5 type gig for you? ‘Cut and print! I have to be home to sacrifice a cat to the devil for all this TALENT!’ How about a real score? Or decent teen actors? Oh, I know. How about something OTHER than the most hackneyed and done-to-death motive behind the zombies’ absolutely humorous thirst for flesh? If I recall correctly, there was a scene where they were eating a cow. A cow. So I guess not only do they want revenge, but they want a tasty burger.
Your movie has made me question my faith in a higher power, as no deity can exist who is so merciless that he would allow something this bad to be made. I can only hope the money you make writing, directing and producing direct to DVD films and low-budget monstrosities is enough to take your mind off the fact that you have no soul. Please, for the sake of the genre, for yourself, and for the good of mankind, stop making movies.
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wow. i had been thinking of checking out more of the 8 films from last year but of the three i have already seen, i was not very impressed. especially when they are touted to be so upercut, progressive or what the fuck ever.
The only one I have seen that’s worth a damn is Frontier(s) by Xavier Gans. It’s highly unoriginal, and more on the side of torture-porn than true suspense, but it’s absolutely brilliant in its execution. When you watch it, you’ll be captivated by the dinner scene toward the end. The score makes it fucking amazing.
I agree totally with you on the film. I think there needs to be letter written to all those directors, writers and producers. They all have alot of explaining to do. Did you see Frontieres from the second installment of the horrorfest films It was not released at the same time as the others but it is in my opinionit is the best out of both series so far.