I Love Horror – A horror blog devoted to the critical, analytical, and cynical assessment of the horror industry and horror films.

Did you see the movie Infestation? It was a “giant bugs attack” film directed by Kyle Rankin that wasn’t a SyFy channel exclusive. In fact, it was produced by Mel Gibson’s Icon Entertainment, which is just weird. Apparently The Strand Magazine was ahead of the curve in 1910 with its depictions of giant bugs attacking England. Click to enlarge. Pun intended.

The placement of the photos is simply because Word Press sucks when it comes to photos. Also, I am dumb.

Source

Director: Nacho Cerda
Year: 1994
Country: Spain

Does torture porn as a genre exist? I’d like to think so. This much maligned pseudo sub-genre, coined by film critic David Edelstein, has often been a hot topic for debate, though in recent years its popularity as anything worthy of discussion has faded with the realization that it simply doesn’t exist. While the films often used as representative of torture porn – the Saws, the Hostels and, for the sake of humor, The Passion of the Christ – do indeed contain copious amounts of torture and extreme violence, they fail to align in a matter that’s wholly apropos of the term “porn.” For example, wrapped tightly around the torturous traps of Jigsaw is a seemingly compelling story, with interesting characters that you may or may not care about. Taking the more broad definition of “pornography” into account, “ the depiction of acts in a sensational manner so as to arouse a quick intense emotional reaction,” and taking into consideration the fact that most people don’t want Belladonna get plugged in the butt repeatedly by Lexington Steele because there’s subtext involved, these films simply don’t deserve the moniker.

But Aftermath does. God, does it ever.

While emphasis is typically placed on the aspect of torture, to deny any film the label simply because a living, breathing human being is not being tortured is a mistake – just because there is no life left in the body does not mean torture cannot occur. Once life has left the body, all one could hope for is a modicum of respect to be given to the husk that once housed everything that made you human. This respect is not given to the unfortunate victim in Nacho Cerda’s 1994 short film about a mortician who gruesomely defiles the corpse of a young female in ways that are so nauseating, they make the nine-minute anal rape of Monica Bellucci in Gaspar Noe’s Irreversible comparable to a Pixar film.

The film opens with two morticians, each working on nude male corpses. In absolute silence, they dissect the bodies, removing the brain and other organs in graphic detail. While one works quietly, devoting his attention solely to the body in front of him, the other lags behind, casually observing his co-worker while tending to his own corpse in a much more delayed manner. Our more conservative friend reveals himself to be anything but when a young woman appears next in his queue. Looking her over, he cuts off her clothes, revealing her naked and badly bruised body. What follows is a brutal exercise in perversion as the man performs a variety of sex acts in front of and to her exposed body. It concludes with the mortician taking the heart home and feeding it to his dog before he settles in to watch TV.

That’s it. That’s the film. It will not benefit from a long exegetical analysis. There is no deeper meaning, no subtext, though I wouldn’t put it past people to try and find a reason for this film’s existence. It is pure filth, existing solely to disgust. It is the poster child for torture porn, twelve years before a film critic erroneously applied it to Hostel, Saw and a number of other films.

On the plus side, it was beautifully shot, so there’s that.

Director: Vincenzo Natali
Year: 2010
Country: Canada

Vincenzo Natali is an interesting director. He made a splash with Cube, one of the most original yet poorly acted science fiction films I’ve ever seen. He followed that up with Cypher, which I haven’t seen and can therefore not comment on, and Nothing, a surreal and existential look at what happens when two losers will away the universe, replacing everything but their house with a white, bouncy void. Followed by a documentary and a segment in Paris, I Love You, we now get Splice, the Canadian director’s stark vision of what happens when man tries to play God.

Clive and Elsa, played by Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley, are two genetic engineers working on the splicing of animal DNA in search of proteins that may prove beneficial for mankind. Intent on continuing their research with human DNA, they propose their ideas to their superiors, only to be shot down in favor of taking their research in a different direction. Not content with abandoning everything they worked for, they take the next step on their own: splicing animal DNA with that of a human. At first their approach toward their new creation, which they name Dren, differs, but as she grows up (at a rate that far exceeds a normal individual’s), they begin to treat her as if she’s one of their own. As Dren changes physically, so to does her personality. An affront to God ensues.

(Read the rest of the review at Horror Squad)

This deserves to be featured. It’s hilarious.

Best drinking game EVER! However I did not heed the warnings and took quite large sips and regretted it when my gag reflex kicked in when shirtless edward in Italy happened =.= also I REALLY hate how wide open their eye’s are during closeups.
Best vice-over cometary EVER! Granted I am still drunk while typing this so you might not want to take it all into account? maybeh? (also the movie isn’t over yet and i’m still listening to cometary)
The woman he dominates not tolerates.
Also 8-pack through window while sleep = creepy …like level 9 creeper …edward is level 111 on a scale of 1 to 10
(It’s like Star Trek (TNG fan girl ><) the porno’s write themselves!)
Question: Do we have to finish our drinks at the end of the movie? I assume yes so I’m doing it now but for future reference I would like to know.

Problem: Inviting vampires into your house..That may be true for Real vampires but we are dealing with ’sparkly’ vampires which are not real soooooo if you kick them out I really don’t think they would just leave…

(there are Frankenstein’s)
Signed
Your drunken reader!

If you have played along to the Twilight: New Moon drinking game, go here, grab yourself a bottle or ten of the finest imported beer you can find, and go nuts.

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As an aside, I’d like to direct your attention to the I Love Horror Roundtable banner, which will be permanently affixed to the right side bar, at least until I stop being lazy and move it to the appropriate are. Kudos and a heartfelt thanks to the always lovely Dive Mistress from Zombots! for making it.

I saw New Moon in the theater and on a date. The purpose was two fold: just to see how bad it actually is, and maybe get laid. In the end I watched a horrible movie and didn’t get laid. Twilight: the ultimate cockblocker. This experience allowed me the chance to channel all the pent up anger into the New Moon drinking game. So grab a drink or thirty and join the Dive Mistress and myself, with special mediator Count Vardulon, as we get hammered and watch one of the worst movies ever made.

Take a sip…

-Every time there’s slow motion
-Vampires have reflection-Sparkly vampires
-Expressing an emotion
-Shirtless vampires
-Werewolves transform
-Close up of Jacob looking like he’s going to devour Bella’s head with his giant mouth
-Whenever you see Ghost Edward
-Characters watch a movie better than the one we’re watching, take a drink
-On screen blood
-Supposedly likable characters ignore mass murder
-Every time Alice removes all drama from the situation

Finish your drink…

-When there’s a hilarious Three’s Company-esque misunderstanding

This arrived in the mail today…

Zombie Blood is probably one of the greatest horror-themed gimmicks I have ever seen. While the gimmick could easily start and stop with the product proper, Harcos Laboratories, the company that developed it, went balls out with the marketing, creating a website that details a world where blood-thirsty zombies are the norm and the only way to stave off the zombie threat is with a bright green concoction created from the blood of zombies. The best part is hands down the Apocalypse Broadcast System, “with zombie horde updates on the hour, every hour.”

As for its taste? Well, the site says it tastes like lime, but I really don’t want to let go of the awesome packaging and drink it. It’s just too cool.

Understand that there is a method to our madness. Four horror bloggers, each unique in their own special way, sit down and wax philosophic on a series of questions related in some way to contemporary horror. The voices are as follows:

To your left is CRwM. His home on the internet is And Now the Screaming Starts, where he makes my writing look like the writing of someone who’s not very good at writing. Do visit him, won’t you?

To my right (literally, when this was recorded she was in the room. Internet people actually know each other) is the always lovely Dive Mistress, proprietor of Zombots! Her fear of the zombie robot notwithstanding, she manages to add a touch of class and femininity to the overly testosterone-laden conversation.

Suspended above all of us on his throne made of babies’ tears in his castle built atop your failed dreams is Count Vardulon. Sequestered away in the Great White North, Count Vardulon adds a touch of cynicism and a dash of vitriol to the conversation.

By our powers combined we talk about shit and do our best to make it sound interesting. Enjoy.

Something I’ve noticed as of late that popular horror film icons are popular due solely to oversaturation. Had Jason Voorhees been relegated to three, maybe four films, would his status as horror icon par excellence be as lauded as it is? The same can be said for Freddy Krueger, Michael Meyers, and a whole slew of other icons. Sadly, they tend to overshadow the lesser known horror villains, whose only crime is not being lucky enough to star in four million sequels. Fed up with the lack of recognition, myself and the always lovely Dive Mistress over at  Zombots! have compiled a list of underrated horror villains that deserve a little love. Head over to Zombots to check out her half, and catch my half below.

Simon / The Human Condition from Session 9

Gordon-Session-9

It always comes down to Session 9. In the film, a team of “asbestos abatement engineers” wins a bid to clear out the Danvers State Hospital, an old lunatic asylum with a dark past. As the week presses on, the men begin to break down, with one of them, Hank, disappearing with nary a phone call. Another member discovers a series of tapes that reveal the alternate personalities of a former patient. One of these personalities is Simon, a malevolent entity that compels Mary to kill her brother and parents after falling on a China doll and cutting herself. It is eventually revealed that Gordon, after his wife accidentally spills a pot of boiling water on his leg, allows Simon to enter him, who in turn compels him to kill his wife, new child and dog, and then return to work as if nothing happens. As time wears on, paranoia begins to settle in and the tension among the crew begins to grow. Finally, Simon overtakes Gordon, forcing him to kill his crew.

The underlying supernatural aspect of the film notwithstanding, Simon represents something far more sinister than any monster – human fallibility and the inherent weaknesses of the human condition. Despite our overwhelming desire to succeed and persevere, we are inherently weak creatures, not always capable of resisting the gauntlet that life throws at us each and every day. For Gordon it simply became too much too handle, allowing the pseudo-personification of weakness to take over. For that reason, Simon, and by extension the human condition, is one of the worst villains of all.

The Event Horizon / Dr. Weir from Event Horizon

Dr-Weir

Despite its questionable acting, Event Horizon is listed as a favorite for horror fans and non-horror fans alike. Seven years after the disappearance of the starship Event Horizon, a signal is received on Earth, prompting the rescue ship Lewis and Clark to give it the ol’ looksee. Once arriving, however, the crew, along with Dr. Weir, who designed the technology that allows the Event Horizon to travel through space almost instantaneously, discover that the ship has been to a place worse than Hell. Overtaken by the ship, Weir turns on the rest of the crew, resulting in most of their deaths. A creepy eyeball-less Sam Neill ensues.

Event Horizon is scary as Hell. When the ship returned, it came back with what can loosely be considered a supernatural entity controlling it. This entity causes all the humans aboard to see their worst fears manifest before them, although one of the crew is forced into committing suicide, only realizing what he’s doing moments before being ejected into the black. Throughout all of this, Weir is quickly slipping into madness, and attempts to return the ship to a place where the crew “won’t need eyes to see.” Dr. Weir and the Event Horizon will never reach a level of notoriety akin to that of the classic horror villains like Jason and Freddy, but that’s ok. They’re in a class all of their own.

Megan from Dog Soldiers

Dog-Soldiers-Megan

In Neil Marshall’s lycanthrope-laden foray into horror, a team of British soldiers is dropped deep into the Scottish Highlands on a routine training exercise. Megan, played by Emma Cleasby, comes across the team as they’re being torn apart by werewolves, and in turn offers them safe haven at an isolated house in the woods. Eventually it’s revealed Megan is a werewolf and has simply been fighting the curse and delaying the transformation. In the end she causes the soldiers to destroy their only means of escape, leading them into a final showdown with their hirsute attackers.

Simply put, Megan is a raging bitch, and without a doubt the best metaphor for a woman’s period in the history of film. She sabotages any chance of the remaining soldiers escaping, leading them into a false sense of security by regaling them with her tales of lycanthropic interactions and werewolf lore. She forms a bond with Cooper, the second-in-command behind Sergeant Wells, and despite a very brief romantic connection, fails to even give him a little beej before going all werewolf on his ass. Coop gets his revenge, however, with a well-placed in the forehead, thus fulfilling the dream of every man who’s had to deal with a woman on her period.

F. W. Colqhoun from Ravenous

Ravenous-Colqhoun

Cannibalism is awesome. Cannibalism is even more awesome when it involves Robert Carlyle as a Christ-like figure channeling the Wendigo myth to develop near-superhuman like strength and the ability to survive repeated attacks with guns, meat cleavers and giant blocks of wood right in the face. Showing up at the remote outpost inhabited by a motley band of soldiers, F. W. Colqhoun, servant of God, tells them of how he survived months in a cave subsisting on the flesh of his party, murdered at the hands of the deranged Colonel Ives. Under the guise of leading them to the cave where one of the party might still be alive, it is revealed that Colqhoun is Ives, and he simply wanted some fresh meat.

The beauty of this character lies not in his murderous and cannibalistic intent. No, these are merely the stepping stones for the bigger picture, which is to simply add more cannibals to the pack. His plan is to lure unsuspecting travelers looking for new lives into the camp, killing some and feeding their flesh to the others. Beyond this simple act, he’s simply a devious and cunning motherfucker, quick with the one-liners and willing to do whatever it takes to remain alive. When confronted with the moralistic implications of his actions, he simply responds, “Ah, morality – the last bastion of a coward.”

There’s something about a villain that lacks all empathy, eats human flesh, and is human that stands out to me as worthy of recognition.

Human-Centipede

A deranged German doctor drugs two girls on vacation in Europe and an unfortunate Japanese man and surgically attaches them mouth to anus in an effort to create a unique creature with a single digestive tract. Why he does this is anyone’s guess, though “just because” seems to be a perfectly viable answer. A common complaint with this premise, aside from being utterly disgusting, is the perceived inability to construct a story around it. After all, once the eponymous creature is created, what more is there to do?

The film opens with two young women seeking help when their car breaks down in the woods. After a run in with a perverted local, they decide to abandon the notion of anyone coming to them and set off through forest on foot in search of help. By sheer providence they arrive at the beautiful home of Dr. Heiter, a respected German doctor who specializes in the separation of conjoined twins. After foolishly accepting a glass of water containing Rohypnol, the two women pass out and wake up chained to a bed. With the later addition of a Japanese tourist who doesn’t speak a lick of English, Dr. Heiter begins to set his plan into motion, resulting in our titular affront to God.

In all fairness to those who reacted negatively to the film, there really isn’t that much which can be done with the underlying premise. The actual construction of the centipede is but a minor aspect of the film, with its presence on screen being surprisingly bereft of nudity, save for a few glimpses of the victims’ breasts and their buttocks, and its overall visual impact being relatively weak. As a result Tom Six had to rely heavily on the performance of Dieter Laser, who manages to bring to Dr. Heiter varying levels of emotion and intensity that belie the air of stoicism emanating from both the promotional materials and his initial encounter with our unfortunate coeds. His treatment of the centipede once created is brutal, but in a way almost loving. Prior to the film’s events, Dr. Heiter’s first attempt at creating a human centipede with his three beloved dogs resulted in their death. When his human chain is completed, he spends a good portion of the film training them to walk and perform tasks such as “fetch”, even going so far as to punish the Japanese tourist, who was fortunate enough to be at the head of the chain, when he refuses to do as he is told. His intent thus gives off the impression of going beyond the mere pleasure of attaching people ass to mouth, something I doubt many people expected. This may be a tenuous assumption, but it’s there, and it gives to the mad doctor, and by extension the movie as a whole, a level of depth you might not initially expect.

All of this leads up to what might be considered a fairly predictable conclusion, though the final moments are incredibly gut-wrenching. This, along with the incredible performance by Laser, make the film more than just an attempt to be shocking while still retaining the requisite levels of disgust-inducing scenes, specifically one involving the Japanese tourists inability to control his sphincter. Much like the creation of the centipede, however, the scene is not graphic but instead implied, relying on facial expressions to convey the horror that’s unfolding before your eyes.

Of course, the film is not without its problems. It does begin a little slow, and does drag at some points, although not enough to cause you to lose interest. The biggest detriment is perhaps the two female leads. When not joined orifice to orifice, their acting seems forced and unbelievable, while their decisions are so utterly stupid you find yourself shaking your head in disbelief. Thankfully, their time spent giving a reason for the audience to hate the film is minimal, due to, well, you know. The whole ass to mouth thing.

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) is clearly not a film for everyone. Yes, some will find it slow, others will find it simply disgusting, but there is more happening than its underlying premise, and it deserves a closer look. Beyond this, the notion that the subject matter is taboo is unwarranted. Is seeing three people stitched ass to mouth controversial and disgusting? Yes, of course, but no more so than anything you might see in a Saw movie. Hell, at times it’s downright hilarious to watch them try and coordinate their movements.

Whatever your opinion is, one thing remains certain: it’s the best movie starring a mad doctor who surgically attaches people mouth to ass you will ever see, at least until the sequel.

A_Nightmare_on_Elm_Street_2010_poster

Director: Samuel Bayer
Year: 2010
Country: USA

Platinum Dunes is an unholy entity shepherded by a wicked being that thrives on the disappointment of others. Their modus operandi is ostensibly to update classic horror franchises in a way that manages to strip them of every element that made the original enjoyable and unique. They are nothing more than a vehicle used to capitalize on a popular franchise while single-handedly dumbing down American cinema. Now, this is not to say that these movies don’t provide a modicum of entertainment. In between the myriad of bad parts are one or two shining moments, enough to keep the viewer relatively entertained. A perfect example of this is last year’s Friday the 13th redux. By no means was it a good outing, but it had some unique kills and possessed a modicum of depth. Unfortunately, we’re given no such respite from A Nightmare on Elm Street, a movie that is such a chore to sit and watch, a meeting with Freddy in the dreamworld seems like a better alternative.

Central to the film’s utter failure is a weak script, which attempts to give a back story to a character that is wholly undeserving of one. We find an attempt to humanize Freddy Krueger, updating him for a generation where one of the biggest dangers threatening our children every day is pedophilia; the kindly old man who works in your school or your innocuous next door neighbor is anything but, and instead of logic and reason prevailing you hunt them down and burn them alive. While this certainly doesn’t serve as a justification for Krueger’s actions, they must certainly operate on a different level than a child murderer (and supposed pedophile), especially when it’s revealed why the parent’s did what they did. Attempting to humanize pre-burned Freddy, if only for a brief moment, takes away from the character’s overall impact. This of course brings us to the crux of the matter: how did Jackie Earl Haley do as Freddy Krueger?

(Read the rest of the review at Horror Squad)